the end of a (blogging) chapter

I saw this pink cottage a few weeks ago while walking the dog. I just loved it. It made me think, "What if? What if the cultural norm was to have the smallest house possible, instead of the biggest?"Anyway, there's no real connection between that photo and this post, but I had to pick some photo, and I liked it. So, that's that.

Anyway, I've been quite busy.  And I've been thinking. It seems I'm diverting my blogging energy over to Dream Big more and more, and for the next little while, this blog, the one you're reading, is going to take a backseat. It might be the end of "huminbean", it might not, I'm not sure yet. But definitely for the next month, if not longer, there won't be anything posted here.

Blogging actually takes a lot of work. Taking photos, editing them. Writing a first draft, editing that. All of this means sitting at the computer, which I am doing a LOT of these days. I'm really, really glad for the opportunities I'm getting, but it does mean some long hours staring at a screen! I'm trying to reduce that time where I can.

And, the Dream Big blog is actually MORE work than this one, because there is also time involved in lining up interviews, doing the interviews, making notes, etc.

But, I'm really glad that that avenue is opening up. I've got lots of ideas for it, and the only thing holding me back is my human limitations - needing to eat, sleep, have relationships and downtime. (Which, I'm actually really glad for - it's good to have balance.) I can see a bright future for the Dream Big project! I've already been asked to speak at two events in the next month! Little old me! I feel... a little nervous, but also excited. And I feel like this blog, huminbean, which I've been writing for almost 10 years, was a chapter, and now I'm moving on to the next. 

We'll see, we'll see - no-one knows how the future will go. But for now, I've got to focus my time and energy on the Dream Big Cape Breton project. And I hope you join me there.

prize possession

Once again, Blogger sees fit to rotate this photo for me, without any way for me to change it. Hmph!

Oh well. Here it is anyway. Tilt your head maybe? Turn it into a neck stretch? It's always good to stretch your neck.

Last night I went out to a show with my family. Bruce Cockburn has been a part of my life since I was a little girl, as my parents were big fans all through my childhood. "Wondering Where the Lions Are" is on my top ten favorite songs, and reminds me of being a little kid. Here is a post I wrote about that very song, in 2005, which is - OMG! - seven years ago. That's kind of ridiculous. It really doesn't feel like that much time has passed between that day and this day. Time, she flies, hey?

ANYway. So my brother Mat and I took our Mum and her friend out to see Bruce Cockburn play. It was a lovely, lovely concert. Just Bruce by himself on stage. A backdrop of a great big linen cloth with all these shiny little pieces of cloth sewn on, which only looked shiny when lit from a certain angle. Otherwise they looked plain-colored, various neutrals like beige, olive green, brown. Bruce stood at the microphone wearing a black suit jacket, a red tie, and black suit pants tucked into combat boots. An interesting style choice! (Mat and I joked to each other that at the end, after the first encore, when everyone was clapping for a second, he would come out and just go batshit crazy, kicking stuff and freaking out - "No I don't want to play any more songs for you!!", that that's what the combat boots were for. Not funny? Huh .... I guess you had to be there.) His white hair was parted on the side. He wore his signature little round glasses. He was gentle, relaxed, articulate. Responded with good humour when people shouted things from the audience. ("We love you Bruce!" "WOO!" - in the middle of tuning his guitar.)

A variety of acoustic guitars stood behind him, some with vibrant, jade-green soundboards. There were also some great big windchimes hanging on either side of him, and two free-standing tables set up. One had a dulcimer on it, and the other, two metallic gongs. He used these instruments sparingly, little spices to add flavour to the guitar.

Some kind of smoke wafted gently above the stage, playing in the lights. I watched the lazy upward and circular motions of that, as much as I watched the performer. Bruce Cockburn's songs, if you're not familiar with them, are intricate both lyrically and melodically, so it was a rest for the eyes. I would also close my eyes and breathe in and out, and just listen to the rich sound around me. The man is a true poet, who also happens to be a virtuoso guitar player. His smoky voice is haunting.

I had in my purse this cassette tape, which I had brought on a whim to play for Mum in the car on the way there. Halfway through the concert I realized - "I should get him to sign it!" So, I did. When I got up to the table, I said,

"Hi, thanks for the show! I have a tape for you to sign."

"Huh, haven't seen one of these in a while!" He turned it over in his hands.

"I got it at Value Village for a dollar. But I've been a fan of yours since I was a little girl!"

 He opened it up. The case came apart, as it always does.

"Oh don't worry, you didn't break that, it was already broken," I said.

"Where do you play this?" He asked.

"In my car, it's a '97, it only has a tape deck."

"My girlfriend's car is like that," he said. "I've had to pull out some of my old tapes."

"Thank you!" I said, after he signed it and handed it back. The line behind me was long, and it was late.

I wonder what it would sell for on EBay? Actually, probably not much. Definitely not for what it's worth, to me, now.

happy valentine's day

This morning as I fed the cats I noticed the bowl is a heart shape. Perfect for today, the day to celebrate love. And, awwwww, who doesn't love cute kitties??

I woke at 6 when Adam did. I got up and made his coffee and sandwich, as I do every morning. Well, OK, more like every morning I want to get up and do that. But, I know it helps him when I do and plus I get to have a little bit of time with him in the morning, and I like that.

I wrote him a note with a Sharpie - "Will you be my Valentine?" - and tucked it in his lunchbag. "You have a secret note," I said, "And you can't read it until you eat your lunch." "OK, dear," he said. He kissed me and went off to work.

***

Show your love for artists: check out LINKwithlove's initiative today to spur change on Pinterest. LINKwithlove's mission is to promote responsible linking, so that artists and other people who create intellectual property get recognition for their work. It might not seem like a big deal, but it can really cause problems for artists when their work is used, modified and sold without their permission. All you have to do today is repin an image to your Pinterest, and that image should be up on the LINKwithlove page soon.

***

Also, on a silly note, this is one of my favorite songs, by Outkast. It's called "Happy Valentine's Day." Enjoy!

yellow

Apparently Blogger has its own opinions about the correct way to display a photo. It will only upload this photo oriented this way, rather than horizontally as I'd intended. Lord knows why and life's too short to frig around with it much longer.

Eggs thoroughly scrambled and about to be cooked.

Again, Blogger has its own ideas about proper orientation of my photos. Gah.

I was coming down the stairs the other day and saw a sweater Mum had left draped over this chair. The greeny-yellows made me stop and take notice. I loved the light coming in through the window.

Not long after, I was making scrambled eggs and the eggs were a crazy bright yellow, being farm-fresh and all. I snapped a shot of them too. Two pictures of yellow things just made me want to find a third yellow thing to shoot, so I scouted around the house until I saw the soap bars in the bathroom window. "They'll do," I thought.

And then of course having this particular colour as a theme reminded me of Coldplay's song "Yellow", their first big hit. (Look it up on YouTube if you're not familiar, or even if you are, it's worth it.) I remember being a teenager, listening to Definitely Not the Opera on CBC on a little stereo in my tiny bedroom at my father's cabin, doing some journal writing. It was winter, a Saturday afternoon. The host played that song and I wrote the name of the band down in my journal. She said they were big in the UK but still unheard of, mostly, here in North America. (That's not really an interesting story, I realize. But I cherish the memory because of the coziness and because of how much that album came to mean to me, later.)

Of note: I've started another blog. It's called Dream Big Cape Breton. Please check it out! Where this blog is my personal story, and more for free-form creative writing about random things, Dream Big CB is about being a young person living in Cape Breton, and the challenges to living here year-round. I do interviews with other young people and am also researching the history of the island. I've got lots of ideas for the months to come! I hope you take a look at it and enjoy.

Oh and one more thing: I have new, young neighbours who are awesome! That's always cause for celebration but get this, they are also writers! And one of them writes a food blog, called The Bite House! (That's a lot of exclamation points. OK, I'll calm down now.)

beats

Life is beats. Heartbeats, literally. You ever put your hand on your heart and just feel it? We do that in yoga, after opening our arms wide over our heads. Faye says, "fold your hands in prayer over heart center". "Say thank you."

Thanks to the beats. To the heartbeats. It's too bad that "heartbeat" is so cliche as a term, in poetry, or wherever. Because it can be really powerful, for such a quiet, day-to-day little noise. (Even typing out "heartbeat" I feel like I'm writing a bad teen novel from the eighties.)

These pictures above are from My Life, Lately. Literally, actually - this past weekend. I got off the Internet - a whole weekend without checking email, checking Facebook, reading blogs, looking things up. None, at all. It was tough - every hour I'd think I should just break down and do it. But, I didn't. And it was really, really good. Liberating. Inspired by this book - The Winter of Our Disconnect. I think it's the most important book of our generation, of this time. We are saturated, just soaked through, with media. We need to see it, we need to stop and step back and consider.(Please do check it out.)

I went for a walk - went and saw the snow, the sunshine, the shadows across. Felt cool outside air. It was marvellous.

I also stopped in to Value Village at one point. Checked out the tape section. My car has a tape deck, and I am too lazy and too cheap to bother upgrading it to anything more technologically modern. I mean, between my box of tapes and CBC Radio, I'm pretty happy. So I love that Value Village sells tapes for 69 cents. Usually the selection is poor, but sometimes you luck out. Paul Simon's album Graceland! I snapped that up. Also Dolly Parton, Alison Krauss, Sade, and Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. All for under 6 dollars.

Lately I'm finding other kinds of beats really inspiring - Rihanna and Kanye West. I put their music on, loud  if possible, and it gets me super pumped. To run or walk, to create, to do mundane tasks like dishes or cleaning the bathroom. 

What about you? What are your block-rockin beats?

reaping

"You reap what you sow."

I wrote that on a little piece of graph paper and tacked it to my bulletin board, a few months ago. It's such an overused phrase, we don't really think about it. But, you do reap what you sow - it's inevitable that you harvest full-grown plants, the ripe fruits, the juicy tomatoes, of the seeds that you took the time to plant in the ground, to care for, to water, to weed. You reap, what you sow.

So, sow now. It's never too late.

Five years ago, I went into a downward spiral. Life was collapsing around me, my energy plummeted, my mood fell, my relationship ended, I left school. I moved home. It was the dead of winter in Cape Breton. I had no idea what would become of me. I felt like I might never come out of this.

But all that time I was sowing seeds. I sought counselling. I worked to heal myself. I walked, and walked, and walked. And wrote and wrote. And used a shitty situation to do only things that I loved. If I didn't love it, if it didn't make me feel good, I didn't do it. I explored old and new interests. Obsessively read typography blogs. Wrote poems and started a writers' group. Walked, walked, walked.

Flash forward five years. (Five years!!! May I just say, holy freaking crap. That's a lot of time. It feels like it just went by in a snap.) And, I'm reaping. My arms are full of delicious, ripe, beautiful fruit. I can feel that I'm so much stronger, and so much more in touch with who I am and what is good for me. And what isn't.

And yet, I'm still sowing. I'm looking forward. I'm tilling new beds, preparing them for new crops. That little piece of graph paper on my bulletin board with a hand-written phrase guides me. It reminds me not to expect benefits right away. It reminds me that sowing is important, a part of the process, and that reaping does follow.

The picture on top: the school I'm applying to. The Graphic Design program. I would start in the fall. My portfolio is nearly done and my application goes in this week. I've spent time in the classroom with them and I absolutely love it. The instructor feels confident that I'll get in, but still, you never know, so fingers crossed!

The picture in the middle: the paper cutter at Wendy's. She is a local graphic designer who has graciously agreed to let me intern with her this winter. I spent a day there already and I absolutely love it. Cutting posters down to size, talking websites and images and logos and art. Love it.

The picture at the bottom: Wendy has a mirror on her ceiling. How cool is that? So I took a self-portrait in it. To me it says: Frame your life with attractive frames, and believe you're worth it. View yourself from unexpected angles. But most of all, have fun.

portland

OK, enough with the melancholia. I watched 'Jane Eyre' and that sort of took care of the sadness quotient around here. So much moodiness and melodrama! So many "what is it Sebastian, I'm arranging matches?" sort of scenes. (That's a reference to Eddie Izzard, by the way. A comedian. Look him up.)

These are some of my favorite pictures from our trip. Two of five are of food - that means something. It means, we like food.

Onwards with 2012. Onwards with winter. Things are bubbling and brewing, and I hope to have some interesting tales in the months to come...

fear, sometimes

So we're seven days into the new year.

I know I wanted to post pictures of my trip to Portland, and write about the fun we had there, and show you all the delights we discovered, but somehow I'm not in the mood.

Ever since arriving home and having to put the holidays away - having to wrap them up and put them back in the box, and adjust back to routine life, I've been feeling all over the place. Fear. Sadness. Loneliness.

Is it fatigue making me cry at the drop of a hat? Or the birth control pill? One never knows where these feelings completely originate. Much like a river. Is it that little brook, or that one? They all join together eventually and form a river, one you don't argue with.

All I know is, I'm here. This moment is real too. The light coming in the bedroom window, my own bed with just me in it, the snow on the yard that I've seen a thousand times.

Now that it's January, I'm no longer employed. Well, I have things I'm doing - I tell people when I run into them at the grocery store. I do, I do. I'm busy. I'm useful to society. I've got boards I sit on and projects I'm working on. But, I'm laid off for a few months. I didn't think it was going to feel like it does. I was looking forward to it, to tell you the truth! Time off, time to do my own thing. Now it's here and I'm like, overwhelmed. With these big projects I want to accomplish,  in the next three months, and feeling like they'll never get done. With time and space to sleep in, and wanting to, and yet feeling guilty for doing it.

And, I don't want to dwell on it too much. I write a bit, like this, or in my journal or in an email, and then something in me goes "OK! Get up and dance!" and I put on some Paul Simon and move my body around. Meld yoga poses and rhythm into a dance. FEEL my physical body. When I get too much up in my head, that's when I need to feel my physical body. Feel these arms, legs, belly, all these giddy human cells that make up ME.

"Love is eternal sacred light..." (From Paul Simon's newest album.)

I guess part of it is that the things I have planned for the next three months are all about being bold, being creative, being strong. Putting myself out there, believing in myself. And sometimes I don't believe in myself. That's when being alone sucks, because there is nothing and no-one to distract me from that fact. That fear that I will be exposed as a complete fraud.

(I know enough now to know that every creative person feels this way from time to time. I know I am not a fraud.)

And the Internet can feel so fast, so speedy. Like there is no time for reflection. Like you've got to be Breaking News! all the time if you want any attention at all. If you want to make your mark. And there is so much out there, so much news and scary stories and things to be afraid of. I can't take it, sometimes.

Well, I want to make my mark on the world. But the world sometimes exhausts me. Sometimes I want to spend days and days walking along a country road, all by myself, yet at the same time I don't want that at all, I want my boyfriend to cuddle me and tell me everything is going to be all right. But he can't always be there. Sometimes I need to look out at that snowy yard, all by myself. Whether I like it or not.

How are you feeling now that the confetti's been swept away and you're back in your rhythm?

happy new year!

Back in Canada after being in the USA. Pictures soon. This weekend?

all that glitters

It's that time of year again.

"It's the most wonderful time of the year."

Or, something like that!

It's the end of the year. Kal Barteski says it really well: "The last few days have been exhausting. The packing + holiday preparations and busy small people and working-late-husband and long nights in my studio coupled with a baby-who-is-making-nights-longer have been taking their toll. And I'm trying to coffee through because THIS IS MY FAVOURITE PART OF THE YEAR. That last 10 days. The part where we take inventory and deep breaths and the whole year sort of floods back while we are too busy to simmer with it. I love these days. I get so sentimental and I've decided that's okay. I am going to wallow + back float + starfish + soak it up. Because this is the push. This is the finish line. This is the BURST of awesome before 2011 is a chapter closed and we are fresh in a new adventure."

Me too, me too. This IS my favourite part of the year. I love taking inventory of the year-that-was. I love looking ahead to a whole new year, a whole new block of time that will be filled by great things. I love that work takes a back seat and family and loved ones and oneself step up to the front. As do: snowflakes, ornaments, glitter, gifts, sweet things, delicious things, hugs, smiles, and movies on TV. It's their time to shine.

However, despite how much of a Christmas-ite I might sound like, let it be noted that this time last year I was really not feeling any of this glitter and love. It was raining non-stop, so the yards were sodden and grassy, the lake had risen, which felt apocalyptic, and the chimney was flooding my basement bedroom with water that smelled strongly of creosote. I felt really low in energy and in spirit. Christmas felt like a charade - all these lights up and people saying "Merry Christmas" and parties and all that, and none of it rang true with me, at all. I let myself lay low, and let Christmas roll over me like a wave I didn't want to catch.

So, if you're not into it, I get that. It's OK too.

A whole year has gone by. A really really good year. I've met an amazing man who is my support, my "Zen master", my challenger, my sweetie. "He meets my toes with his," as a friend said. I've also continued my yoga practice with some amazing women who feel at times like the best possible interpretation of the word "coven". Yoga has brought me to myself, my physical body, my inner self. In life in general, I can feel my deep roots pushing growth upward, outward.

I'm excited for 2012. See you there!

***

Here is the year-end questionnaire. I like it. I do it for myself and send it to a circle of close friends. Do with it what you will. It's a fun way to take inventory of the year that just was.

1.What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
2.Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
4.Did anyone close to you die?
5.What countries did you visit?
6.What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
7.What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
8.What was your biggest achievement of the year?
9.What was your biggest failure?
10.Did you suffer illness or injury?
11.What was the best thing you bought?
12.Whose behaviour merited celebration?
13.Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
14.Where did most of your money go?
15.What events did you get really, really, really excited about?
16.What song will always remind you of 2011?
17.Compared to this time last year, are you:
i.happier or sadder?
ii.thinner or fatter?
iii.richer or poorer?
18.What do you wish you'd done more of?
19.What do you wish you'd done less of?
20.How will you be spending Christmas?
21.Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
22.Did you fall in love in 2011?
23. How many one-night stands?
24. What was your favorite TV program?
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
26. What was the best book you read?
27. What was your greatest musical discovery or rediscovery?
28. What did you want and get?
29. What did you want and not get?
30. What were your favorite films of this year?
31.What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
34. What kept you sane?
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most/least?
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
37. Whom did you miss?
38. Who were the best new people you met?
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:
40. What are your plans for 2012?

christmas is a'comin

Yeah, this month is flying by!

Woo!

It's been a good one so far. Some snow, for scenery. Getting ready for the Holidays is going well... I have my eight or so Christmas presents bought, and ready to be wrapped. I want to get creative with the wrapping this year - read, I'm being cheap! But no, really. I'm talking stamps and ink on Kraft paper, and fun things with ribbon, pipe cleaners, whatever. I'm going to do a tour of the house and see what fun stuff I can scare up.

There will be pictures soon. I'm talking scenes of: baking with a friend, a dinner party by candlelight, decorations at the marina, new thrift-shop finds (yes! a Christmas sweater, my first ever, and definitely not the last - this is one item I can definitely collect over time), and lights lights lights. This time of year, for me, is all about lights in the darkness.

They can be twinkle lights, or it can be each others' lights, our brightness and our beaming smiles.

This time of year, for me, is also all about reflection backwards and forwards. Looking back to the year that was, and thinking to the year ahead. I'm sappy that way, I guess!

In 2012 I want to find:

• places to get rid of most of my possessions. At least, the extraneous ones. I want to be more of a minimalist - or, as Adam put it succinctly - "Bring less shit." He was talking about the bags of clothes I usually take to his place on the weekends. When usually I only need a pair of sweatpants.
• really amazing people on this island, doing really amazing things. And I want to find all the places possible to tell those stories to other people, both on the island and off of it.
• a fantastic apartment in Sydney if I end up going back to school. Maybe the second floor of an older home, with high ceilings, a fireplace (doesn't actually have to be functional), and wooden floors. Yup, dream big alright! 

Oh and check out my Pinterest "Christmas" board to see my yuletide inspiration.

Pictures sometime this week. Enjoy each other!

air in, air out

Do you ever notice whether or not you hold your breath, and when?

I hold my breath - or, breathe really shallowly - when I'm browsing the Internet. Considering how much time I spend online, that's a lot of shallow breathing, which apparently isn't good for you.

I read somewhere once that this phenemenon of "breath apnea" is because of how the Internet works - we click on things, then wait for them to open up. Our human brains, which haven't had time to adapt to this speedy technology, go "ooh! must hold breath because this next thing I'm about to click on is important! Tension, suspense!" Especially as the time between click and open has gotten much shorter, and so we click a lot more and feel the need to keep close tabs on the action that's taking place on the screen, people have developed the habit of dealing with this stressful activity (even if you're on Facebook or browsing pleasurable sites) by breathing very shallow.

I also noticed yesterday that when I'm driving I tend to breathe shallowly, too. I don't relax and enjoy the drive, but instead I frequently check the clock, checking to make sure I'm on time or if I'm late, by how much. Annoyed with myself for not being on time, and let's be honest, that's most of the time these days. (Oi, and I haven't even got kids to blame it on.)

So I'm trying to breathe deeper. Focus on the fact that my lungs are taking in oxygen and letting out carbon dioxide. (Or is it carbon monoxide? Oi, can't remember. And, too lazy to Google. That's pretty bad, isn't it? To be too lazy to Google? Then again, maybe it's a self-protective measure. Guarding my fragile wee brain from the onslaught of information out there.)

"Rest in the breath." My good friend, my intuition, stuck that in my head last week. As in, use the breath as a place to rest. Rest my mind from all the jibber-jabber that's out there. Breathe in, breathe out. Ahhhh...

***

In other news... I put on the old black dress pants, the old white shirt, the old tie, and hoisted trays tonight as a server at a local conference center. I haven't worked as a server in a month or so, which was super nice, I'll be honest. To have that break. To just work one job. But, one shift wouldn't kill me, so I thought, and I was right.

Serving makes me nervous, though. Up until I walk in the door and start it, and then I'm too busy to care. And also I realize (over and over again, yup, apparently that's how I'm wired) that I'm actually good at it. That I don't have to be nervous because I'm not going to mess up.

I'm glad I'm doing it, though. Glad I took on the part-time job this fall, and tested myself. Proved to myself that I'm good at it. So many young folks work minimum-wage service jobs, especially here on Cape Breton. I think it's an important part of the puzzle, when looking at why young people leave here. Or what it's like to be here, and try to make ends meet with several jobs. What it's like to work your butt off, smiling the whole time, being nice to people who can really treat you like crap, day in, day out, for minimum wage, doing split shifts.

(Mind you, I only did it evenings for 3 nights a week in the off season. And, you can have some really awesome tables, and customers, and that's what makes it fun.)

r-e-s-p-e-c-t, right?

Rain rain! Go away!

Well, that's not going to happen.

Apparently we're experiencing a "weather bomb". What is that? Is it a made-up term? I don't understand. It's a storm, right? Why are we rebranding storms? Why is the weather suddenly war-like?

Well, I suppose it's not all that sudden. Thor, and the Greek gods, and such.

All I know is, the rain and wind are kind of attacking the big windows here at work. No breakages yet but it feels a bit like being at a museum and looking out onto a "rainstorm" exhibit. Experiencing it but not really wet. Hearing the wind whooshing, hearing the rain splashing down onto the gravel drive, seeing it all come up against the big windows, but dry and warm inside.

Right now: listening to the "She & Him" Christmas album. I bought it at Fred's Record Store in St John's, Newfoundland. (What what!) If you like your Christmas music styled, classy, clever and cute, this is the record for you.

Thinking about: being more respectful of musician's rights. Not downloading any more music for free (unless that's what the artist wants - like Radiohead or Old Man Luedecke). This springs from a conversation I had with a friend in St John's, about why it is we feel that we have the right to just take art from artists, when it comes to music. We don't feel the same about paintings, or other work. (Well, maybe graphic design on the internet - which is where Link with Love comes in.) But with music we feel we have the right to just go ahead and download it for free. Steal it, essentially.

I don't feel overly the same when it comes to big Hollywood movies. Or big pop stars like Rihanna. (Whose music I like, yep!) But other musicians, I think I'm going to make it a New Year's Resolution that starts right now - buy the album. No more burning. No more free downloads.

Yeah, I'll have less new music. For sure. But, I'll appreciate it more.

Where do you weigh in on the topic?

my life in the last two weeks, sort of

Lately I've been craving Brussels' sprouts. Probably because two bloggers I read very regularly are also obsessing with the green round veggie everyone else loves to hate - the bloggers are Elise Blaha and Food Coma. So I got myself some and did them up a la Gwyneth Paltrow's recipe (on the Food Coma blog). They were just as delicious as I had anticipated. Crunchy, tender, flavorful, cruciferous. Wait, is that a word? I suddenly think it isn't, which is bad news, since I've been using it and sounding smart. Hmm. Must do some more research.

From Wikipedia: "Although named after the city in Belgium, few historians believe the plant originated there." I love this - it makes me imagine the few historians that DO believe the plant originated there. They're pretty fierce in their beliefs, despite the lack of evidence.

These dogs belong to the fellow holding their leash. I was driving out of town on my way to Antigonish ( a two hour drive) and spotted him, hitchhiking. I don't usually pick up hitchhikers. But I had a completely empty car and he looked nice. He also had a guitar on his back. I drove past him., since, you know, he was probably a rapist and murderer, then intuition said "turn around". So I did. (I've been listening to intuition a lot lately. It seems to know what it's talking about.) Turned out he was visiting his mother in Baddeck, a woman I happen to know, and we talked animatedly all the way to Antigonish. His dogs were lovely. And he even had a sleeping mat he rolled out on the backseat so their mud and fur wouldn't get all over the seat. Considerate!

Another day, I went picking beach glass with my boyfriend's Mom. She knew of a beach that was supposed to be "just loaded" with it. Sundays are usually very chilled out at Adam's - meaning, couch time and football on TV and not a lot of natural light - and I needed to get outside and do something, so I went with her. We indeed found a lot of beach glass. I also found some lovely photos to take.

 This is Maggie, my step-dog.

Then we got a big dump of snow. In the morning I went to the front door with the cats. It's pretty amusing to watch these intrepid, furry, little animals attempt to navigate deep snow with any dignity.

The snow sure made work look pretty! This is the marina where I work, lit up at 5 pm. (Goodness it gets dark early these days.) Those are the Christmas decorations I did, in the window. Bring it on, Christmas retail season! Bring it on.

One last thing: if you like good music, then check out this video of Jenn Grant on Q performing the song "How I Met You", which has been stuck in my head the last little while. Plus you get to see Jian Ghomeshi, and that's rarely a bad thing.

dreaming big

Winter here, lately! We had a big snowstorm this past week. I got caught without snow tires. I parked my car down at the neighbour's and it is still there, with a mushroom cap of snow. I plan to shovel it out tomorrow morning. It just seemed easier for the last couple of days to get a ride in to work with my neighbour, and be an hour late for work. Hey, it's the slow season. I don't mind if my bosses don't. And, I don't think they do.

Snow is still around, though the weather folks keep predicting it will melt soon. That white, sparkly, frosty look on everything. I do love it. Yes, it switches things up. We have to get someone with a snowplow to come do the driveway, or else shovel it ourselves. We've got to drive slower and dress warmer. But, I do love it. That fresh coldness. That wet dryness coming down through the air.

My computer which died in Fogo is still dead. I'm working on it. I'm getting a trained person to work on it, actually. Until it's fixed I'm borrowing a computer from my boyfriend. It's small, one of those tiny notebook sort of things. Hard to get used to the smaller keyboard with my giant hands. OK, normal-sized hands, but still.

Other lately: I launched my "Dream Big - Cape Breton" project. And by that I mean I created a Facebook page and added a bunch of people to it. This project has been in development since the summer, when I read an editorial in The Victoria Standard (our local paper, we live in Victoria County, Nova Scotia) about young people leaving the island. It got me all fired up and I pitched a column to the editor of the paper.

I also talked about it with all the young people I hung out with all summer. And now that there is a Facebook page I'm getting all sorts of good feedback.

The project is part journalism, part personal journey. I'm doing research (read: reading) on Cape Breton's history. And I'm setting up interviews with folks all over the island to talk about dreaming big for Cape Breton's future. What makes this place so awesome? What makes it a great place to live? What are the obstacles that cause people, especially young folk, to move away, and what can we do about it?

I see it as a group project done by an individual. If that makes sense. I see it as me listening, listening, listening, then reporting about what I've heard. Bringing voices together.

new, found, land

I love that the map of the island is everywhere. Boats, sheds, rocks, tee shirts. A symbol, an emblem.

I love that water is everywhere. That houses are tucked right up against it. That it defines the place - what is an island without water?

I love the colours - of houses (greens, reds, blues, yellows), of lichen on rocks, of sky and clouds and seaweed.

I loved the girl-time - talks over glasses of wine, talks in the car as we drove around, talks as we walked. Also the important silence as we hung out together, too. It's OK to just be, together. Not talk. Think our own private thoughts.

I loved the city of St. John's - an overgrown fishing village, a cosmopolitan industrial town. Graffiti and rock music and sushi, too.

I loved the island of Fogo - more remote than St. John's, a drive and a car ferry away, full of wind and beauty.

It's good to get home but it's also necessary to get away. Adventure.

the moment before travel

I took these pictures about a month ago, at work. It was a sunny afternoon. I was coming down the stairs from the staff room/parts department, with a coffee, and I saw these shadows. I went and got my camera. Flossie said, "What are you doing?" I said, "Taking pictures of shadows!" She laughed appreciatively, she always does at my weirdnesses.

Something about light and shadow is really speaking to me these days. I love - the directness of it. The patterns. Light and shadow make big art on the floor or a wall or wherever, but it doesn't last, it changes with wind, or with clouds, or with the normal movement of the sun. The patterns are bright, but they are also quietness, darkness. And that's another element, it's quiet - it's silent, really. So like meditation, you can lose yourself in just watching a shadow, or the light part.

***

I'm off to Newfoundland, tomorrow! I'm taking a trip that I've been planning for a couple of months, and which I've been looking forward to for all that time. I'm going to see a dear, dear friend. I'm going to explore the town of St. John's. (Which, in my head, sounds like how Flossie pronounces it - sint-Jaans. Short "sint", long flat "a" in Johns.)

I'm going by airplane. Over land, then sea. I bet there will be some fun shadows to spy on from the air. Then nearly a whole week on the Avalon peninsula, exploring new places (well, new to me - they've actually been there for millennia, and they're not new to the people who live there) and visiting the ocean in a different place. Perhaps some outings on the town with ladies and gents, dressing up and looking shiny and cute, patronizing some nice establishments. Enjoying ourselves.

For now, it's that moment before travel - half in my normal zone - home, relaxed, dishes to be done - and half already gone. Thinking of what to pack, thinking of when I'll land, looking ahead.

mermaid

For Halloween this year I decided to be a mermaid.

Sparkly fabric - cutting out the pattern. My dear friend Flossie helped me with the sewing, which was really fun. I think I'm going to get a sewing machine and do more projects. Very empowering.

Then my friends Tanis and Shauna helped me with hair and makeup.

Mermaid! And thusly dressed, I went out on the town with Adam (dressed as a zombie who was run over by a car) and danced and partied til 5 am. A good time! I'm already tossing around ideas for what I might be next year. Grecian goddess? Rock lobster? Stay tuned...