Saturday, October 22, 2005

out of midterm mountain, via party passage

This week is over. Let's all breathe a collective big, fat sigh! I swear, it's been the worst week at university that I've had so far, counting when I took Latin and we had a Very Scary Midterm that caused the whole class to freak out, counting the week I slept in the day of a Psych midterm, counting ... I don't know what else, since most of the time I have a really good time at school. But last week, gah. Monday's averted panic attack set me up for the rest of the week, where I took things one day at a time...taking deep breaths and naps where necessary, getting my work done, trying to work through the nervous energy that was collecting in my limbs.

It's brought some things into focus, though. Such as, my relationships (especially the one with myself) are stronger than I think, most of the time. I'm always so afraid to ask things of people, to say, "Can you help me with this...?" To show my insecurities, my imperfections. But these are the things that make us whole people and not just caricatures of ourselves. And these are the things we need to show people, more so than the so-called "perfect" parts of us, since they are what makes us, us.

Also, it's brought the purpose of my education back into focus. Meaning, I was getting caught up in the performance, in the getting of good grades (and granted, the scholarship helps as far as pressure goes, in this area), when what really matters is the learning. Banging out ideas and seeing what the professor thinks. Taking something away from each situation.

So these days I'm taking it one day at a time, remembering to breathe, and look up and around. The leaves are so gorgeous right now, it's hard to describe. Fredericton is such a cute little city, with a wide blue sky playing off the sunshiney leaves in their reds, yellows, light greens. It's more of a small town, really. At the market I ran into a guy who was at the party last night, and on the way to the bus, loaded with apples, carrots, eggs, tomatoes (market happy you make me!) I ran into another girl from school.

Oh yeah and--last night I went to the "wedding" party, only had one glass of white wine and one of "champagne", dressed up (little black dress, tall boots), had a great time, and today... not hungover! What I mean by that is, although I'm generally pretty good about not going overboard at parties, I have been known to, and last weekend was one of those very circumstances. So this morning's market trip was made ever-better by the fact that it was 10 am, and I was fully awake.

Life's good. Seb's coming for a visit next week! Hence, I must get to work, and get some essay written before this day is out. I'm also going to see Hawksley Workman tonight--woot! Oh and did I mention Seb is coming? The very best thing about Montreal, and I get to have it in Fredericton. Yeah. Life is good.

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