Thursday, September 29, 2005

double whammy -- diary of a flu

So I was sick...and it sucked.

The first day was the Campus Fall Cold, with a sore throat, stuffy nose, etc. I was down for the count, but still wondered if I might make it to class on Wednesday. Hoping. Feeling stressed about it, mad at myself for missing time, for being sick. Feeling lonely, wanting Mum to take care of me.

Wednesday morning I woke up feeling slightly better. The cold part pretty much gone. Then I went to get up, and in the process of that began to feel really weak and started seeing spots, feeling like I might pass out. I lay down and slept for another couple of hours. When I woke, Mum was calling me. I told her what had happened.

"Probably your iron is low," she said, "Since you just had your period and also this cold to deal with. You need to rest, and eat iron, and make sure you get lots of rest and vitamins."

So I stayed home yesterday too. I slept a lot, watched "Good Will Hunting", drank miso soup, and at one point, when I felt stronger, went to the grocery store with Michelle and Marlo. Halfway through getting our stuff I had to hold onto things, sit down on the dairy case because I felt so weak. When we got home I slept some more.

Today, I stayed home once again. I didn't want to take my chances, what with yesterday's low energy. I ended up missing a test, which I felt bad about, but I've realized that taking care of one's own body is the most important thing. I feel better today, though, stronger, and I made some chicken soup and haven't had to go down for a nap all day.

Tomorrow I'm going to have to get a doctor's note for the test I missed today. This whole ordeal has made me initially stressed (oh no! this wasn't in the plan! I hadn't made time for this in my Dayplanner!) but then brought me back to my own body, to the truth that without health, we have nothing. Feeling bad for taking time for yourself only leads to guilt, which kind of swirls around inside the mind, not accomplishing anything.

Also, I'd kind of let myself think of school and schoolwork as a nuisance, as something incidental to the rest of my life. I mean, not entirely, but in a sense. Now I'm working on loving the challenges again, loving the learning, the hard work involved. Seeing it as my full-time job, as what I'm here to do. As a horoscope of mine said a while ago, "Don't bitch about the limitations; love them and use them to your advantage."

So I was sick, and it sucked, but that's how it had to be. I had to remember myself, and who I am, and why I'm here, and what I love doing. Now I'm going to get to work--I've got some stuff to catch up on. Wish me luck for tomorrow! I'm going to class. God willing.

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