it's what we do

How can I justify flying to New Jersey for a week? When I feel so strongly about oil, about climate change, about flying being bad?

I've been thinking about this a lot. I guess I justify it in the same way I justify doing things like driving a car, or eating cucumber out of season, or using Sunlight dish soap - although I feel badly about it, and wish I had whatever it took to find alternatives, I end up not thinking about it, too, sometimes, and I try and cut myself some slack. I also try to consider the good things that I DO do, as being meaningful, and I think about how it's pretty much impossible to escape the oil-driven and oil-dependent economy we live in.

Also I have been thinking - I can justify this trip this way: I love my Grandpa. He is nearly 90. I want to see him. And as irrational and perhaps selfish as it sounds, I guess I value seeing him, more than I do "not doing damage to the environment". That - is not great. I mean, I wish I could say that "not doing damage to the environment" meant the most to me. Certainly I feel incredibly sad sometimes about the damage we are doing to the planet, to the ways we have changed it and wrecked parts of it and the shit we're continuing to do. I feel downright overwhelmed by it, at times.

But I also love my Grandpa. He is the voice that read to me as a kid. He is my elder, my Dad's Dad, the man who built me a dollhouse when I was a little girl, who always told me that I can do incredible things with my life and my talents. And he doesn't tell me that because I'm necessarily a genius, but because I'm his granddaughter and he loves me. And it's been six years since I've seen him. And he's getting old. So I'm going to go see him. Yes, I'll feel guilt about the airplanes, the fuel spent. It's likely going to be a palpable sadness and guilt. But no doubt I'll also feel a rush as the plane pulls up into the sky, and likely I'll also feel like an adult, and capable and strong as I drive myself to the airport, park my car and go get my boarding pass.

Nothing is ever simple. Is ever black and white.

I leave tomorrow. I'll be back in a week. Also, I'm planning to see an opera in New York City! As well as generally have a really good trip. I'll share pictures upon my return!

***

Here's how the last week went.

Several days were just this: me on the couch with Kali the cat and bumming around on Pinterest. (It is seriously addictive.)

The chair I can see from the couch - and the reflection of a big spiky tropical-type plant, on it.

Chickens in their yard, the mountains behind, and the spring sun shining down.

After spending pretty much the entire day indoors, in my PJS and a hoodie, I went outside to tend to the chickens and take some pictures. I am quite happy here. In gumboots (longtime readers of this blog will know of my love for rubber boots!), on a farm. Life IS good.

This is right next to the front door. A little detail that I happened upon and really liked.

Leftover chicken soup and a toasted sandwich. My meals of the last several days.

Ferry scenes. St. Ann's Bay.

That's it for now! I hope you're well. I really do.