Friday, November 6, 2009


Holy Moses, where is the time going?

I know, I say that a lot. But, I also feel it a lot.

Sometimes I think to myself, as if a voice of someone wiser and older than me is talking, "This is what time is supposed to do."

But, it doesn't lessen the shock of realizing, holy gads, that was already a week ago! (Whatever "that" happens to be.)

Maple syrup mason jar.

I took this shot sometime near the end of October. I had made my first-ever batch of waffles, and Mum and I were eating breakfast. This is the mason jar we keep our maple syrup in. Oh, maple syrup, how much do I love you? A lot, that's how much.

In the background is Mum's hand. That's about all of her she'll let me put on the Internet. I totally get that.

After I finished my breakfast that same day, while Mum was still eating hers, I was sitting there, and we were chatting. I was playing around with some chestnuts we were experimentally drying on the table. (Meaning, we put them there and forgot about them.) There was also a hawk's feather that I found on a bike ride sometime this fall. I decided to play with them and take close-up shots. Mum always snorts at me a little when I pull out my camera - I have a reputation in my family as being "camera-crazy" - but I know she really thinks it's cool. Right, Mum?

But what I really want to talk about today is TRUST.

The word "trust" is my touchstone. That little stone in your pocket that's worn smooth from rubbing? That's what this word is for me.

This is what it means to me: trust in ten moments from now. Trust in the future to be what it will be. It's OK, you can trust.

I don't find it easy to trust people. Past situations - not going to get into them right now - but - I've been in long-term, like years-long situations where people took my vulnerable trust and ripped it apart like paper towel. I learned how to mask my insecurity, but when it comes to actually opening my facade a little bit and letting someone in, truly in? Oh MAN. I'd rather run far away and slam the door.

This "trust" touchstone isn't about trusting people, so much. I know that we all come to trust each person in our life at different times, in different ways. I also think that blind trust is, well, blind. I think it's smart not to trust, sometimes. Your instincts are there to help.

That's all I want to say about trusting people, though, since that is a massive kettle of fish. It's the kind of talk to be had at a kitchen table or in a cozy living room, accompanied by cups of tea. Confidences come best that way.

What I want to bring to attention with this post is the faith aspect of TRUST. Or the trusting aspect of faith? Whichever, and both.

For me, this word works. It reminds me to take an out-breath. Let out the tension. I'm nervous and anxious? Trust. Like a whisper. Trust. Like a joyfully simple command: "Just, trust!" It brings things back to reality, back to this: really, that's all we CAN do. Because there is no way to reach into the next minute, the next hour, and somehow manipulate it to be a certain way. No-one else in this room or this village knows what's going to happen in the future, any more than I do. We all have to trust.

Trust that it will happen.
Trust that you will know what to do.
Trust that you will take care of yourself, that you will not forget what you have been practicing.
Trust that you will learn from it.
Trust in other people to do their part. (Even if that means they drop the ball.)
Trust yourself.
Trust your own heart.
Trust your knowing.

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