Monday, December 4, 2006

and now, the moment you've all been waiting for...

...The First Annual Huminbean Pie Chart Awards!

The judges have made their decisions, after a long deliberation in which Bernard Lord and Benoit Lapierre resorted to speaking French so that pesky God fella couldn't understand. Then God came back with some nasty comeback in Aramaic that really pissed the others off. When I finally got them all to calm down and have a few Wildcats, they were ready to deliver their verdict.

We'll start with the runners-up...

In the category of "You Can't Enter, Silly, But Don't Feel Bad!", the winner is.... Leah Noble! And she wins a fantastic CBC mug.

In the category of "Keep Digging, Honey", the winner is...Chris! And he wins this fantastic golden shovel award, for his entertaining vision of women's views towards him.

In the category of "Best Entry to Mention Bernard Lord" (and I'm not saying who wanted this category put in, ahem), the winner is...Marlo! And she wins a date with Bernard Lord and all his friends.

Now for the legitimate categories!

The "Most Crass" inevitably goes to ...Kevin Lionais! And the award is a plaster cast of a baby's bum! Good on you, Kevin. And please, never tell me which parts make up the 18% that has waded through.. your own.. poo.

The "Most Intelligent" goes to... Laura! For dealing with her upstairs neighbours in a calm and constructive fashion, rather than bringing them a big stick and showing them just how to walk softly with it. For her rationality and presence of mind, she wins a big thumbs-up from .. this guy!

The Golden Gumboot is awarded to Andrew, for best mention of gumboots in an entry, because not only is the idea of him wearing only this item of clothing oddly enticing, but also ... gross. We invite him to try eating KD out of THIS gumboot!

And Best Overall... drum roll please...
Janice Fuller!
For her witty and conclusive sociological analysis of the Huminbean readership. I have seen those angry apes in my dreams and it is not pretty! And for her to track down a professor at St. Ehwha University is truly dedicated scholarship. It is for this that the judges gave her points... plus Bernard Lord thinks she's cute.

The award for this category is pretty sweet. Not only do you get a Mr. Bean Pez toy:

...but you also get a visit from me wearing the bean costume:

AND a year's supply of whoopie pies!

I invite all the winners to put on their best gown/tuxedo and make a speech--it's not like the Oscars, we don't have to go to a commercial break. Get drunk! Thank your Mom and Dad! The floor is yours...

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