Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Hooked on Phonics; or, My Five a Day Habit

Sometimes I fear that
What is balance impeding
Is not beer or wine
But my addiction to reading!

I'll lie down to read
And instead of relaxing,
I'm speeding ahead --
It's really quite taxing!

And it's not just word count
But book count as well,
Is five a day normal?
By now, I can't tell

For when I can't sleep,
It's not hot milk; instead,
I open the dictionary
I keep by my bed

Definitions soothe me,
But I am not snobby
I'll even read the biography
Of a retired English bobby

Not to mention Harlequins,
Westerns, and Crime stories
Cookbooks, phone books,
And "The History of Quarries"

Academic papers,
Though boring, will do
I said, I'm addicted!
Does a bear in woods poo?

And now there are tremors
Withdrawal, I admit
But nothing scared me more
Than my first hissy fit!

It came out of nowhere
The day I gave back
My favorite new volume
To the library rack

I freaked out the patrons
With my ranting and raving,
But it comes on so strong,
This printed word craving!

The smell of the bindings,
The inks and the pages,
And being so close
To the works of the sages

It just gets me going!
What more can I say?
Plus, it's still legal
So it must be OK

That's what my shrink says
When I come to her crying
Because of these dreams --
I swear I'm not lying!

I'm trapped in a library by
Old Bosch (Heironymous)
I guess it's high time
I joined Readers Anonymous?

(Thanks to www.artchive.com for their information and the above image, which is the "Garden of Earthly Delights" Right wing, "Hell", c. 1504.

Also, thanks to my local librarians for fostering my habit from a very early age.

And of course, to my readers, for enduring my rampant silliness yet again!)

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