hot hot heat

When the weather report reads like this, you know you're not just imagining it, it's hot:

Today: Sunny. Wind west 20 km/h. High 32 except 28 along parts of the coast. UV index 9 or very high.

32! That's between 90 and 100 Fahrenheit, folks. And it's been like this for, uh, days. And it's going to continue for at least another... few days. OK, I know Cape Breton really doesn't have it all that bad, considering. But I am here, and it is quite hot out, and so like any Maritimer worth her salt, I'm going to complain about it. Hot weather, as Calvin, the man who cuts our lawn even in weather like this, says, "takes the good out of ya."

Here's my simple, step-by-step plan to put the good back in. It doesn't involve alcohol, but if that's how you roll, go right ahead. (And if this is the case, may I suggest Gin and Tonics in moderation. If it's good enough for the Queen Mum, it's good enough for you! Just make sure to drink lots of water too, as hot weather and booze together makes the body susceptible to dehydration). This plan assumes you don't have ready access to a beach for whatever reason (the only car in the household is at work, you live in a stifling hot city, or for some reason you're allergic to sand). It assumes a few other things too, but don't worry, it can be tailored for nearly any situation. Just use your imagination.

1/ Put on your bathing suit. Take a quick shower, ensuring your hair gets wet. Wrap a beach towel around your waist and head for the kitchen.

2/ Make some iced tea. Pour a glass. Drink. (If you're staying away from caffeine, as I am these days, try iced mint tea. It's quite refreshing!)

3/ Watch Dirty Dancing . There is nothing like the 1960's interpreted by the 1980's, some sassy dancing and of course hot, hot Patrick Swayze to confirm it is, indeed, summer. Do a few dance steps in the living room if you're so inclined. And remember: "Nobody puts Baby in a corner." Key to life, my friend.

4/ Drink more iced tea. In fact, go ahead and apply as needed.

5/ Listen to some flamenco. I'm all about shopping locally when possible, so here's a flamenco group from Newfoundland (no, it's not a joke): El Viento Flamenco . Amazing! Check them out. A summery second best is Bob Marley and/or other reggae: Toots and the Maytals, Peter Tosh, etc.

6/ As soon as you find yourself drying off, head back to the shower and repeat. I find the only crucial part of this is the showering, so feel free to substitute any films, music, or drinks, and multiply or divide as needed for the amount of people present.

Before we know it, it will be evil February again, so we might as well make the best of it, right?