Tuesday, May 20, 2003

TIme here is lovely, though I can feel a hole in me, a missing of things, a strong desire to turn back the clock. I have to speak out loud to myself, tell myself to stop wingeing, cheer up, enjoy this moment. Sometimes it's tough, what can I say?

Yesterday Claire and Joe and I went out in the canoe and fished, and I sat in the middle of the boat and held the small radio above my head to get reception, and so we had Manu Chao and Nelly in the middle of a secluded lake in the remote QC woods. The water was a deep turquoise blue and the paddle I had was an orangey brown color, and the contrast was really neat to watch as I was paddling. As usual, good conversation all day long, and a delicious supper (the house here reminds me of Big Hill in so many ways) and then we all went off to bed.

Today we scraped a boat and painted another, and took breaks in order to climb up onto the big red tractor and dance to Tribe Called Quest and some more Manu Chao. It was very hot out, just like Cape Breton in the full height of summer. We walked back to the house and made lunch and then Claire and Joe hauled some wood and I stayed home and took care of Dizzy (aka Liz, their 83-year-old British grandmother, who has Alzheimers and is actually fun to hang out with) and made a cake. Everything's been low-key today but in a good, constructive way. I'm swearing off the alcohol until at least Saturday, when I might be seeing Gregor in la grande ville and maybe even attending a party. (Who, me? That's a little wild for me, isn't it?) Lots of thoughts have been in my humble little brain but unfortuntely I haven't been able to do any journal-writing since the trip here, hopefully soon. Then of course on Sunday I'll be in NYC, and then on the 28th, New Hampshire and the last leg of my journey. If I don't end up working for Deanie at Shape-Shift there's a good chance I'll be nannying in Chicago, isn't that wild? Time will tell, in any case. Now I'm back to the cabin to teach Claire and Joe the illustrious card game of Shithead and hopefully win. Tomorrow: cement-mixing!!

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